Everyone loves a good Star War, and with Episode 9 right around the corner there's no better time to recap the series for hardcore fans and newbies alike. It all started a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

EPISODE 1: THE PHANTOM MENACE
It's 1999. A starry-eyed Space Jesus, played by... Haley Joel Osment, probably?... spends his days pod-racing and yearning to escape his miserable desert life. Suddenly his world is flip-turned upside down by handsome Obi-Wan Kenobi. They fight a bad guy. Liam Neeson dies.

EPISODE 2: ATTACK OF THE CLONES
This one doesn't count.

EPISODE 3: REVENGE OF THE SITH
The Sith (those are the bad guys) are back and boy are they mad! Meanwhile, gloomy, grown-up Space Jesus falls in love with an older woman, betrays his friends, and kills a bunch of kids. Honestly, it's pretty messed up. Everyone fights. Samuel L. Jackson dies.

EPISODE 4: A NEW HOPE
A classic of fantasy film-making, Episode 4 introduces us to enduring heroes Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, and Flash Gordon. The bad guys build a Death Star. The good guys blow up the Death Star. Obi-Wan Kenobi fights Bad Space Jesus. He dies.

EPISODE 5: THE EMPIRE CLAPS BACK
Most famous for introducing the world's favourite muppet, Yoda. The bad guys are calling themselves "the Empire" now and they are taking zero chances. There's a Yeti in the first act, but its thematic connection to the rest of the series is unclear.

EPISODE 6: ATTACK OF THE EWOKS
The bad guys build a new Death Star, but Luke and Reformed Space Jesus team up to beat them once and for all, thereby ending the franchise. This one also doesn't count.

EPISODE 7: THE FORCE AWAKENS
Several years later the bad guys build another Death Star, only this time it's a Death Planet, which you'd think would be quite a bit smaller than a Death Star but is actually much bigger. Flash Gordon fights a bridge and dies.

EPISODE 8: THE LAST JEDI
An undisputed masterpiece of modern cinema, perfect in all ways and absolutely free of critical controversy. In fact, the only guy who didn't like it, Ricky Dobson, was completely ostracized by the adoring fandom. Anyway, I can't really remember what happens, but I think in the end some kid does that thing with the brooms from Fantasia.

EPISODE 9: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER
So what's next for the Star Wars saga? Will Liam Neeson make a comeback? Will the bad guys build an even bigger Death Star? Will the fans finally admit that Star Trek is the richer fictional universe?
We'll find out on December 20th!